Seat Belt Laws

Call me crazy, but I think seat belt laws are ludicrous. Luckily, I live in Montana where the laws are as relaxed as can be. Montana has secondary seat belt laws, meaning a cop can’t pull you over for not wearing your seat belt — but if he catches you for some other automotive indiscretion and notices you’re not buckled-up, you’ll get stuck with a $30 ticket on top of whatever else you’re getting busted for. Those poor, soggy bitches in Washington have primary seat belt laws, meaning cops can pull you over if they noticed you’re not buckled-up, and stick you in the jugular with a $125 fine.

First of all, how can this be a law, and why do we put up with that shit? We just go along with everything like neutered sheep, “Well, it’s the law, so we’d better blah, blah, blah… Safety first, I always say, blah, blah, blah.” I’m not saying don’t wear a seat belt, but I’m simply suggesting that if you choose not to, you shouldn’t be punished by law for it. It’s like banning cigarettes in all bars. If you run a business and it’s your choice to be smoke-free, then great! You and your pussy patrons can clank your Michelob Ultra bottles together and listen to The Carpenters while admiring each others’ scarves. Unfortunately the Government knows what’s best for us, and is slowly stipping away our freedoms in bite-sized nibbles. They do it in incraments so small, we barely notice it or care.

Last year in the US, 41,000 people died in auto accidents. Since we are a nation that values lives, we think we can shrink this number if we all wear seat belts. Now – on average, we annually lose 1,500,000 lives to cardiovascular disease and cancer, caused by our shitty, fat, American diet and smoking. There are a lot of drunk driving stats out there that are supposed to scare the shit out of you (drunk driving is responsible for over half of auto fatalities, so roughly 22,000 deaths a year). Because we care, drunk driving is understandably illegal. However, to put this in perspective… when you’re in your car and you look over at the car next to you, and you see some fat douchebag shoving a Big Mac into his/her head, or they’re smoking a cigarette, they’re 68 times more likely to die from they shit they’re putting into their body than getting struck by a drunk driver. However, Pall Malls and McDonalds will never be illegal, because the money generated through taxes, insurance hikes, and medical bills are pretty sweet to our benevolent Government that runs shit – but cares for us. (Last year, our Government pocketed over $34.3 billion on cigarettes alone.)

Back to the point of seat belts. It seems we don’t care about poor people, because there is not a seat belt to be found in any bus I’ve ever been in. Also, some poor people can only afford cars built in the Flintstone era, which don’t always come equipped with belts. What about motorcyclists? I don’t give a shit if they wear a helmet or leathers. The way some of these knuckleheads drive, if they hit a rock the wrong way they’ll skid until 80% of their flesh looks like Freddie Krueger’s taint. It would stand to reason that a person could drive a car and opt to wear the helmet in leiu of the belt. That might be the safest drive of all. People might assume you’re eight shades of ‘tarded and give you the breathing room you desire on the road. But what do I know. Trust your Government. They know you better than you do (and they care more too).

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One Response to “Seat Belt Laws”

  1. John McLellan Says:

    Your sarcasm, as always, had me laughing out loud several times through this rant. lol, as the kids say. “…they’ll skid until 80% of their flesh looks like Freddie Krueger’s taint” is one of the grossest (and yet funniest) things my eyes have ever read. Chad, you rule my world. You know this, of course.

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